This thing they call CHANGE
I was so prepared to write an article that was featuring a trending story last week, but as I prepared to write, I got a text message from a dear friend of mine, telling me that she was carrying a child, and yes I was happy but I could not help crying, I mean I have known her for 11 years, and the fact that she was moving to this new stage of life, made me so happy for her and so scared for me. Change is inevitable and it scares me a lot, especially changing the stage of life, you know, marriage and getting a child, which are one of the amazing gifts that I so patiently wait for. I want to thank my four good friends who have embraced this change with an optimistic mind, Imma, Shiro, Njoki and Syox.
When I was a child I loved change, graduating from one class to another, having new comers in class, getting a new teacher, always changing my childhood ‘best friends’, moving from one house to another, getting a new house help, transferring from one school to another etc, all these things excited me. Now that I am all grown up am scared of change, like every new year I know that, that’s a new age in my life, people expect me to change, behave my age, be in a stable relationship, think of marriage, all this scares me to bits.
It disturbs me beyond words especially to look at most of my peers and see them embracing this change, and loving it, it brings the paranoia that everyone else is looking at me wondering ‘when will she be like them?’
The pace of change in my life and those around me is so fast that every moment passes and we forget what our past normal life was, my worry being, if I move into this new stage of life, will I miss my past? See, I have a schedule, Monday to Friday day time, I work, in the evenings I read at least a chapter of a book and maybe watch an episode of a law or crime series. Saturday morning hours do house chores, then spend the rest of the day writing, evening watch a movie. Sundays go to church then hit the salon, pampering and all, then later maybe read a book or watch a series. The cycle repeats itself the coming week. Friends I do have, but always meet up after work or Sundays, which is usually for a very short time. My normality is repeated, and at times I am so scared that if change occurs, I will never get back to normal, that there will no going back to normal.
With all this in my mind, I have come to learn from my friends that change flattens you and teaches you to be adaptable, resourceful and even triumphant. Embracing change is hard and at the same time enticing, but I realize breaking the monotony in our lives is a matter of designing and building our own normality and the liberation together with the energy encompasses our new stage of life.
Lesley Garner quotes ‘Change is continuous, that’s all, it’s not about us, so don’t take it personally, not the intoxication of triumph, nor the black isolation of despair.’
The nature of life is trying to recognize each good and bad moment of life as it passes, with attention and with gratitude. As I write this am in dilemma of what will please me, change or my normal life, change in the sense of living in another stage of life, growth in the marriage institution, this bring brought about by the ideology that age is catching up with us (single, not married) and wanting to break the monotony of my scheduled life and enjoying change, this is all so exhilarating. I am reacting to this mountain of change in two different ways but I am also learning that there is time for everything just as King Solomon laments in Ecclesiastes chapter 3.
Living in that bubble of wanting to explore change, but at the same time restricting your self to get out of that cocoon does not really help a lot in the progression of life, I have come to learn that there are no happy endings, because nothing really ends but we can never get to find out the outcome of growth and change if we limit ourselves. I have a gut feeling that maybe I want to embrace this new life that is inevitable, get to live it, but what will happen to my normality? By observing my friends I have realized that when change occurred in their lives they had a strategy, an after shock one, they tried not to give in to a sense of panic when it rose, they embraced it with little breaks, am learning from them.
So I am living a moment at a time, enjoying the little and small things I love to do, enjoying things that make me, me. If you are scared of change I challenge you with this quote. ‘No matter if something looks like an ending, happy or sad, it soon will pass. So keep on moving. Keep the sense of a bigger pattern don’t take it personally. Bow to laws of impermanence and tune in to their rhythm. Give thanks to the magical, mischievous ride we are all on, and above all keep breathing– Lesley Garner.