If there is such thing as rehabilitation and forgiveness in this world, then I think that change needs to occur so that closure can fall through.
I have so many imperfections, a lot which I admit to my self but try to put a facade that walls around who I really am. Someone actually told me that I have identity crisis, hmmm still sinking that into my mind. I am always inspired by my mistakes and my past, yes the past is a ghost that haunts my thoughts and every time I am in a surrounding where I am reminded of it, I kind of have an emotional relapse that completely rotates my attitude to a 360 degree turn of sadness and self pity.
Do you always find yourself busy trying to impact positive attitude to people and making them elevate a sense of being optimistic in their lives no matter the situation? Well that’s me, always trying to view the world on a brighter side, at times even when everything goes wrong I will be there ensuring that whoever is going through something difficult remembers that there is always a tomorrow and everything would get back to normal. I always forget to use the same advice I use on others to myself.
I make so many mistakes, some very dumb and at times I question my being, and see as if I have some multi persona only that the real me rolls with the other persona subconsciously. It is like when you meet someone drunk and then compare them to who they really are when they are sober. In most cases they are two different people especially in their way of thinking.
One week ago I got myself in an environment that reminded me of my past, I did things that brought back memories of me in the past, and it automatically lowered my spirits, I hate being an extremists just because of the notion ‘life is short so have fun while it lasts’! I have been beating myself over my past, but every one else thought things were very okay with me, and while I was still trying to come back to my normal world, I realized one thing, in as much as tattooed memories ghost around our minds, it is up to us to know how to recover from those situations.
Mistakes are inevitable; they need not have an alibi, because admitting to them is a start to recovering from a wounded heart. You might have done something to someone or to yourself and keep beating yourself about it, and not finding a crack of light to move on, but I have come to learn that admitting that we failed or did something wrong in a way brings closure.
A life without trials, errors, mistakes, spoiling and changing’s is one without a lesson learnt, because we will never get to know how to creatively and quickly recover from situations. At times we are full of regrets and wish the earth would swallow us, or that we lived in a time machine where we would date back mend, and weave ourselves out of situations.
I think I am weird, or maybe it is true I have an identity crisis, I used to be this outgoing person, still am, but my past mistakes have brought me to a world where I am slowly converging into being an introvert, In that I tend to censor a lot of things that maybe if I let out, I would be in a position to get out of some situations, someone again told be that I would be a very bad news editor, censoring all the juicy stories, mostly of my life, ha-ha, but I think I am slowly recovering from a dark age of a four year period where I lived a life that I truly believe does not define who I am now.
I know I am not the only person going through stuff like this, it’s all part of life, different things trigger how we react to situations, and having patience with ourselves and being real can be surprisingly peaceful. There comes a point in the experience of soul searching that you have let go of the trapeze and launch your self in the air, maybe by writing about it, talking about it or whatever it is that you call your psych comfort zone.
Everyone should have a place, a cliff edge in time and space against which they can measure the imperceptible changes in their own life. So if you believe in rehabilitation start with changing your way of thinking, giving yourself that infinite comfort of being a molecule in a never ending chain reaction is what matters. A cliff edge is usually farther off than you think, at times we pace along the edge of a cliff only to find that we have stepped forward and landed on solid ground
Mistakes will be there but how you recover from them is up to you, regrets will be there, but always remember life is a cycle, drop, pick yourself up, gather courage to admit to your mistakes, don’t compromise with alibis, be real with yourself, no matter how painful something is, hey that’s part of being human.
When you make mistake, don’t look back at it long. Take the reason of the thing into your mind and then look forward. Mistakes are lessons of wisdom. the past cannot be changed. The future is yet in your power. Hugh White (1773-1840