Yes I know what you are thinking, cliché topic right? Who wants to read about love? How can someone who is not in a relationship give advice on relationship matters? I will say this; experience is one of the best teachers, my own experience and also the experience of those around me.
Through out the past week I have been thinking about this beautiful thing called love, and why we fall in love. We all fall in love for different reasons, maybe because age is catching up with us, because of societal influence, because someone is rich, because we are lonely, because we think that being in a relationship would help upgrade our lives, because our ‘suitors’ are cute, there are different reasons as to why we fall in love and get into relationships.
At a tumultuous time in my life, I would get into relationships for all the wrong reasons, the main one being loneliness. I hated being alone, I always had that yearn to always have someone by my side, you know late night calls, always texting, hanging out… the cliché things people do in relationships, yes that was my reason for getting into relationships, not wrong but still not the right reasons, anyway, I have come to realize a relationship is more than finding the right person.
Most of us young people, in the name of love, crave for instant gratification but I have come to learn that almost everyone who wants that change in their lives has to give up on this. We make commitments to change, consciously sacrifice our time and energy with the ideology of quick promises to fulfill our notion of a perfect relationship, if that does not work, we blame it on love and say ‘Love hurts’! Love does not hurt, love is not complicated, we complicate our love lives and it’s the people we fall in love with who hurt us, or better yet most of the time we hurt ourselves.
Let me tell you a little bit about the Oprah’s, Tyra’s and Dr.Phill’s in our relationships or dating lives. I was once one of those people, always the one with the best remedy to a love related conflict. See something funny about us single people is that we think we have it all right, we have the answers that will help our friends get out of ‘wrong’ relationships’. I sit back and laugh at myself, what was I thinking? Most of us when in a conflict run to our friends, because we ‘know’ that they will help us get out situations, we forget that we have independent minds and maybe just maybe if we would act with our minds and not emotions that things would actually work out, yes I know what you are thinking, better said than done. Been there done that, trying to Oprah my way into my friend’s lives, and always being a prick in keeping close tabs on how their relationships are, am sure you know those type of people… now that in my opinion is one thing that ‘in the name of love’ would crush your relationships. It’s good to have friends yes, but when getting advice we need to filter on what is beneficial, and pick it then work on what you think will help nurture a good relationship.
Old promises, unfulfilled expectations, out of date teaching, useless information all come tumbling out when ‘In the name of Love’ we quickly get into relationships for the wrong reasons. I don’t know what the rush is all about with us young people, I am a victim to all this, no one is perfect but I believe that if only we would wait, collect our senses, measure our thoughts against our actions maybe we can channel a path that would help us know what exactly we are looking for ‘in the name of love’.
You can not accommodate other people in your life if you do not know what exactly you want for your self, because if you do that you get lost ‘in the name of love’ forgetting yourself in it, and what matters in your life is long wasted through out a duration of time.
In my Opinion a relationship is more than finding the right person, it’s also about BEING the right person, but what do I know?