I have decided to do an article that I know relates to many people in relationships, for me writing about it helps. So if you are going through a heart break no matter how cliché and naïve this would sound, I hope that someone out there will be inspired by my experience… BEING REAL
When something isn’t working, it’s a clear sign that something needs to give. This isn’t giving up and it isn’t giving in. its simply giving and no change happens without it.
As I write this am collecting pieces of a quaked heart… not yet broken but needs some major mends. This past week I have been going through a lot in a new found love, I have been ranting on social media of my bad moods and most of my friends kept calling asking and wondering why I was updating issues of my personal life on social media. For me social media is some sort of therapy, yea I know lame right? But we are all different and we react to situations differently, not that twitter and face book would in any way help me, but it’s like talking to a psychiatrist who gives you no opinion or advise on how to tackle with issues, anyway that’s me.
Einstein once said that a problem is not solved by the same thinking that created it, in order to change our mind we must first understand what it is that isn’t working. We must take out our dusty old minds and examine its contents. I am not one who knows how to handle issues in a ‘mature’ way; I give up easily especially when it comes to relationships, because am scared of a lengthy heart break. I have seen many of my friend’s compromise in relationships with issues that weigh them down, and I most of the time have been the shoulder to cry on, now it’s my turn to work out my issues. In the beginning of the year I did an article on compromise and emphasized on the point ‘never let compromise under weigh your need for happiness’. Some issues in relationships are so minor and at times when we disclose them to our friends we are always advised into compromising, at times for the wrong reasons. I have seen people stay in relationships because the people they date have money, or they are scared of what people will think of them if they are single, or for the mere reason that age is catching up and one needs to settle. My dear friend advised me, when in a relationship, it between you, the person you are in a relationship with and God. See when it comes to making tough decisions it is always your call…and if you let the opinions of others contribute to decision making, you will be the one left collecting the pieces.
I am hurt, and I am not content with a decision I made, breaking up with someone is hard, and at times we would prefer to stick in a relationship simply for the title ‘I am in a relationship… or I am dating someone’ but I came to realize that I needed to give up so that I get to learn my self. Simple things such as communication in a relationship are key to being stable or breaking up. For me communication means a lot, and I try so hard to accommodate another person’s character but at times you find yourself so unhappy and wonder whether it is paranoia taking the better part of you. One of my close friends told me that ‘sms’s’ and calls do not measure love in a relationship… true but I asked myself if there is no communication then what is there left?
Love is patient… am still trying to sink this into my head considering all my conspiracy theories I perceive of life. I know many people go through what I am going through right now, I am not hardcore, I cry, I write about my issues, I try my best to see things work out but one thing I have learnt about life is being real with yourself.
I am one to make haste decisions and at times start regretting, this time I don’t regret because I believe that if people are meant to be with you, they will eventually be with you but it just does not happen as a miracle, it takes two to tangle and if you are doing it alone then you need to know that something has to be done.
What is it that you are looking for when dating someone, or in a relationship? Its is once you have declared your intention and start to walk towards it that you will meet the happy coincidences, the chance encounters, the surprises and the unexpected encouragement that reward intention and commitment.
Never forget this your good fortune is the inevitable result of the energy result of the energy you create when intent and effort meet.