I Am that girl…yes I know which one? Being real is what I am, at times I think I take it over board especially when I go for blind dates and first time dates. See there is the trend in Nairobi, the whole coffee date gig, I flow with the trend but am pathetic at it. I call it the teenage curse trying to be someone I am not, but don’t blame me.  They say you can remove someone from the village but you can not remove the village habits from this person. Being brought up in ‘mtaa’ : people I gave ‘mad’ respect were the ‘mutura’ and ‘maindi’ guy. It was easy for a guy in my estate to ask me out because we would simply walk down the street and grab a few bites of ‘mutura’ and ‘roasted maize’ okay not a few per se ,but I would enjoy the whole episode. The conversations were not like some brain surgeon preparation, and the itinerary was not complicated, am sure the ‘guys’ who took me out loved it, cheap date. Yepthat’s me. 
Old habits die hard. Nowadays its coffee or dinner or lunch, which is normal because hey people have to eat right? Especially if both parties are busy doing a Wikipedia of their lives-that’s how dates are, or that’s how my dates are. Over the few recent months that have passed I have gone for a couple of dates, each with its own dilemma… what should I wear? What should I order to eat? Which persona should I bring out?-(because the real me does  not work, after I show my true self, men do not do a follow up, okay most don’t, so I have to bring out my multi persona and filter out one that would suit best for the occasion .)  Why you wonder? So this is me;
My date: So what are you into?
Me: I am a sucker for current affairs, I love watching series, writing, I listen to music-rock mostly but am a jerk of all trades, I go with the flow… and I go on and on about me… with an inclusive of how many we are in the family. (Clearly drifting from the question asked)
Signaling the waiter My Date: Oh okay, I see you are into a lot of things…so what will you have?
Me: Gosh at times I wish such restaurants would serve Ugali and Skuma (trying to sound funny) what do you think? (trying to see if I pulled a charm me-and here comes an arrogant smile, I assume and decide not to try being funny) anyway I think I will do house coffee (I have to ask for this because its one of the few things I know I would be keep me at ease, without trying to be all fancy-not because there is anything wrong with being fancy -its just that am not well conversant with the other types of coffee)
My date: Anything to accompany your coffee with?
In my mind (I wish there was bread with omelette and peanut butter) me: No am quite full
My date: Are you sure? Because you can have sandwich, they have awesome sandwiches.
In my mind (I would want to grab a bite, a big bite, but now my etiquette of using forks and knives is pretty low, okay its not low, I just don’t know how to). Me: No am easy, no worries (with a glowing smile)
My Date: okay fine. To the waiter get me a niçoisesalad and serve it with gutsy little anchovies, boned and rinsed with salt.
Screaming In my mind (SAY WHAT NOW????) …and the date continues… I try to act all normal and flow with the drift.
Me: So what are you into?
My date: keeping it all calm mentions in like a few sentences the few things that interests him, trying to be all modest…then directs questions to me, and here is where the blunder happens…I am not a small talk person, if you ask about me, I will give you a biography that will make you wonder why you asked that in the first place (Thank God I realized this before it’s too late *at least now I know*)
Anyway I simply end up messing the conversations, I think it is a defense mechanism to ease my nerves because  I do not know how to simplify things, and I chose to bring out how am into ‘kibanda’ vibe, how I hate where I live because there are no ‘Mutura’ joints. Now who wants to hear all this ‘gherro’ vibe? After a couple of dates, I have come to learn what to order in a coffee and dinner dates. Back in the office I have practiced a couple of times on how to summarize my conversations. No man is an island and in life you have to ‘at times’ bring yourself to a level where you create some sort of balance without limiting yourself some happiness, at times you end up realizing its good for you. I still do ‘Vibanda’ and ‘mutura’ is still one of my best bites. 
Me: in the recent few weeks, in a date : I will have a coffee latte, and fresh baked cream pie with a hint of  coconut, do you have that? (ohhh yesss!!!!-it always feels good to Google for meals before going for dates) and yes it works… but you know when I am alone in the house I do the whole Ugali skuma thing.
Dates are no torture for me, but me being real at times just does not cut out for me to keep friendships, but there are those who try to hold on to me with hopes of changing me…Just like the way we vote in for the same politicians with the aim of giving them a second chance so that we can see if they will change.
The whole symbolic façade of being real is what our leaders should try to chop so that they can level with us. We know they heckle, at times talk garbage, make false promises in well flowered manifestos, that’s the real them… how about trying to pretend that they really care… say leave the ‘mutura’ charade back in their homes, and in public address issues which we know do not affect them directly, and at least pretend to show that their main interest is not stealing money and parliamentary titles. They need huge outlays of votes and we are forced to filter out their opinions so that we can express our democratic rights and evaluate their bids for the best man to win. How else will we know they have Kenyans interests at heart if they don’t act?  We should refuse to operate in a comfort zone. 
The whole assertion of ‘Kenyans need change’ has been criticized by many especially me… we have a new constitution that needs to yet be implemented, vision 2030 is what will keep up in the economic map high up in the ladder, but no, this are not the main concerns.  This is when the cabinet realizes that the ethics act on chapter 6 of the constitution has an effect on the inductees of the ICC!  Integrity has far reaching implications than what people think, just like what I posted in my previous article- In real sense I think it is a mere decoy to portray a fierce side of concern with the ideology that Kenyans need to know that someone is busy cleaning the house(parliament). In my opinion the bigger issue here is that we have not a single legislator in Kenya that is spotlessly clean, and many might perceive they are a bunch of thieves and products of the 24 year rule of misrule. What we need is a lesser evil, but then again we also require a lot of civic education because we at times, for lack of a better statement, are stupid…or arrogant… remember our leaders like it or not are a reflection of what we are. Don’t hate the player change the game!
How about this, to leaders and wannabe leaders ‘Google up what our itinerary is as Kenyans, do a follow up of things that need addressed, pretend you care then level up with us, maybe then, we will know that indeed we are heading somewhere. This ‘vibandaand mutura biashara’ is just not working… who needs to hear it anyway? Lets us learn of a new menu, something that can help us have an open mind, say a niçoise salad served with gutsy little anchovies, boned and rinsed with salt.

niçoise salad
Now let me order a hot buttery toast sprinkled with sugar accompanied with Latte…