|We push men over the edge,without even knowing it!|
I am sipping a fine drink with Frank a very dear friend of mine, but he seems pretty disturbed especially from the never ending phone calls and texts that keep interrupting the only time that we have to catch up. Since it is none of my business I assume his arrogant nature towards the squeaking ringtone that UN-melodiously takes the better share of the good music we are listening to. SNAP!! NKT! Sh**# and other curses suddenly erupt from his mouth as he angrily switches off his phone, and out of concern and maybe for the gossip too, I become curious. He then narrates to me of his new found ‘girl’ whom he had a couple of coffee dates with, and went to the extra mile of taking it to the next level, a mutual feeling they both had, and even though they promised to take things slow before making any big commitments, the lady just couldn’t stop with the calling and texting, and always arguing that Frank was playing with her feelings since he hardly replied the texts. I get concerned and try to make Frank understand that we ladies have feelings and emotions and that we get attached too easily, and blaming his lady for always calling and texting should not stress him out.
He continues to tell me that his lady never gives him time with his boys and that the nagging at times is pushing him to the edge, he at times is forced to lie to her, so as to avoid her always complaining. ‘She wants to move in with me!’ Frank says as he sips his drink and stares into space. Me being a ‘know it all’ I simply tell him, ‘then tell her off if you are not interested, because you are simply wasting her time!’ He goes ahead and tells me that he likes his lady, but she is just Becoming too much, it’s like she has no life of her own. I sit back, sip my drink and listen to him playing Dr.Phil in one of his relationship counseling shows. After listening to him, I realize us ladies are a nag at times, and maybe clingy! We have no boundaries. Now men before you get your boxers in a knot as you greedily salivate on the fact that someone will be an eye opener to the ladies, you are not perfect either. They say that men use coffee dates, dinners and presents to lure us into bed, while us ladies use sex to get love, a conflict of interest which benefits both parties but us who get attached easily, loose it, into tying the strings so hard that we tend to believe that the fairy tale has now began. But that’s a story for another day, so men you don’t get off that easily.
Anyway us ladies devour ourselves over fairy tales and make the smallest gesture into a mountain by assuming everything else in our lives and hurriedly force our way into men’s lives. A mistake! I get it we are the most emotional bunch of mammals, but then again we fail, when we think we are doing the right thing by playing wifey. The dates that send butterflies across our stomachs get a short shrift, because the cliché coffee and raves seems ‘draconian’, I must sleep with him to be loved seems to have an aftermath of fairy tale incentives, in this case a boyfriend and a to-be husband. See the very few times, I have played boy and hang out with the boys and listen to their conversations, the phrase sex is just sex comes up, and it’s simply never that serious.
When growing up having sex was highly gossiped and fingers would be pointed, nowadays it’s just another sport. Yes I said it! Before all of you religious people start quoting the bible with the adultery verses, listen. Am trying to be real here, people of all walks of life, okay lets say most people have not put into consideration the seventh commandment and truth be told am no preacher to write what you want to read or what is right, am simply saying what it is as it is… with sex being idolized by us ladies, and using it as a gateway into a mans heart, we forget the phrase, ‘sex is just sex, its never that serious, especially if its easy for you to give it or gerrit its no way to a mans heart, Hell no! Being physical? Nah ah! Find another way to be real and get a man to like you; the rest will fall into place.
JINX OF THE LOOSE LIPS
It all happens in the Girl’s time, and we all play Oprah and Tyra as we make sibilant sounds behind closed doors and chattily tell our girls of our dates, each trying to compete to portray their man as a prince, or a bad boy that every girl wants. I have had one of this, hell I participate in these conventions, and its sad the advise we give each other. ‘Wee ebu shikilia hapo, na usimwachilie’ (Hold on to your Man don’t let him go). We even suggest how we should keep close tabs of our men, and always do the random 24/7 check up, just to ensure that they are not being wooed from some other desperate lady. If tensions rise and insecurities check in, we pull a stunt and bring up the ‘move in’ vibe, if that does not work, pregnant it is. Ladies am not perfect, I have had my share of drama and sharpened my talons to bring out a fight for what is mine, trust me it did not end up well. When I write it is never that serious, i have been there. Calling and texting with no replies and continuously insisting is never a way to key in a stabilized relationship, its called nagging. How about trying to create a life for yourself, at times playing it cool, and simply showing that you have a life, in a way will make your man stay. Many ladies who have always been drama queens and clingy always end up being heartbroken, because a man will stick with you yes, but he will gerrit somewhere else, you have simply become a bother.
As we let our lips wander and proclaim the prince charming stories and bad boy intrigue moments, we forget that we spoke too soon, and jinx it all…I have come to realize that most of the time we tell our girls what we want to believe, at times not the fairy tale that we lie to ourselves that we live in. So you have been taken for some romantic dinner, at times even a small introduction to a few family members, don’t let it get into your head, lest you will be blaming men for not being considerate, at times we are the problem. We tend to change who we are to suit the type of dream lady the man has always been telling you in your various chats: Fine compromise is a necessity but at times we take it too far.
Frank tells me that even the ladies they dream of, the physique and even the Beyonce look a likes, is simply a fantasy, but because we want to pull a Rihanna we end up becoming fakes. I Know Frank does not speak for all men but after this drink I have to learn that, It’s never that serious, Let loose quit being clingy.