FOETUS to use

‘Hey wassup!’

‘Hey Nela,how are you?’
‘Not good, i aint keeping it!!’

‘Huh? What you talking about Nela?’

‘Si this thing growing inside me…me siweki'(Not keeping it)

‘Wait what are you talking about?’
‘Ah si i am pregnant and i am not keeping it…so sort me out?’
‘What do you mean i sort you out? Whose is it?’
‘Ati whose is it? Nkt! Kwani how many men do i sleep with? It’s Ranjo’s and i am not telling him!’
‘Nela this is the fifth time you are doing this! Are you sure about this?’
‘Listen Roda are you going to help me, or will you go all Mother Teresa on me?’

‘I’m just worried dear, you know…’
Cutting her off, ‘Ah usinipee advise me nishaamua,kaa hunisaidii dont play angel with me here,bye!’

Nela then hangs up the phone and stares at it, she is scared and motivated at the same time.
‘So what if it is the fifth time? Nothing will change. It will just be pulled out!’ she tells herself.
Nela glanced at the time again, wondering whether to tell Ranjo or to just take herself to the clinic. Pacing up and down,she gathered the courage and called.

‘Hello’ a female voiced said

‘Hello is this Ranjo’s phone?’ Nela asked with one eyebrow raised.
‘Yes it is, could you please call him in in 10 minutes he is taking a shower,’ the voice replied
‘…and who are you if i may ask?’ Nela asked heaving under a blanket of anger.
‘I’m Fiona and you are?’
‘What the hell are you doing with Ranjo’s phone, i am his girlfriend,do you…’ Just before Nela could finish talking the phone got disconnected.

She called it again and this time round it was switched off. She sunk into her mattress. Hot tears flushed through her eyes and all she could feel was betrayal. Who the hell was that woman?

Doubt of the real facts was inevitable, he was cheating on her and here she was carrying this man’s child for the fifth bloody time! She hated herself!

She looked at her phone and dialed.

‘Hey Nela why did you hang up, i was just trying to put some sense into you.’
‘He is cheating on me Roda,the stupid man is with another woman!!!’ She yelled on the phone throwing curses here and there.
‘Hold it, who is cheating on you? Ranjos?’
‘Woman what’s wrong with you, kwani how many men do i have?’ Nela answered this time with saracasm in her voice.

‘I’m sorry Nela i just want to confirm.’
‘Anyway so will you take me to the clinic, can’t stay with this thing inside me making me feel all sickish all the time! And to think that this man loves me…Oh my God Roda,i want out,i cant deal!’
‘Listen i’m a bit busy now how about we do this like tomorrow or over the weekend?’
‘Ahh i want it out today, wacha ata nijipeleke coz clearly wewe hunisaidii! Of fake friends!’
‘Nela…wait..’
But she had already hang up the phone and was busy putting her wallet inside her handbag and walking out of the house.

An attitude removed as far as imaginable from the demented and the hysterical nature of what she was about to do had a tremendous effect on her thoughts and judgment-FREEDOM!!
She got into the building which had a cast of dark corridors, torn staircases and floating dirty walls. She always hated this place, but it was the cheapest.
Many young girls were hurled at different corners, some of them crying others rubbing their stomachs as if to ease their pain. The first time she did it the pain was unbearable, but the second,third and fourth time the pain was manageable.

She got into the reception talked to the lady behind the glass and she was given a receipt and told to wait for her turn.
‘This should be over soon, i need to go back to my daily routine. This is the last time i am doing this,’ she told herself. Her words echoed four times, for she had lamented the exact sentiments during her past four visits.
She didn’t care. She sat with the rest and waited.

‘Nela, Nela!’ She had a voice say.

She looked up and it was the lady behind the glass calling out her name. It was her turn. She steadily walked inside,serious was her face as though a war awaited her. She pushed the squeaking door written ‘LAB’ and strode inside. Two women were sitted there holding instruments which would change her world. Instruments which would make her Nela again and not Nela and a junior inside her.

Nela knew the process, she lay down, a  sheet was put over her and the process began.
The pain and pounding in her head was unendurable when the metals began to be inserted inside her. She screamed with pain. This was a different kind of pain, even the first time it was performed in her,the pain was not as much.

‘Ni uchungu (It’s painful)!!!’ She cried out.

‘Nyamaza!! Ukijipeleka kwa mwanaumme kulala na yeye huwa hufikirii kama unaweza pata mimba!! Kuna mtu amekulazimisha kukuja hapa?? (Shut up, when you go to a man to sleep with him you never think that you can get pregnant! Has someone forced you to come here?)’

She cried and clinched on the mattress like a child trying to make a fist, she felt weak. Nela was partly delirious but the transition of what was happening was worth it,she knew.

Her thighs were covered with a viscous ooze of blood that was filled with a myriad of clots. It was over. Finally. She lay there for what seemed like eternity. Shame dwarfed her. She hated herself for being this careless.
Slowly she accoutred herself with a sense of confidence and determination to live a new life and staggered out of the building. The beckoning power of change motivated her to keep on.

As soon as she stepped out, her head became heavy, her feet could not carry her and her stomach clenched like a fist. Then she felt it!!! The sharp pain inside her. Quickly she started to turn back and head towards the building.

Hiding herself in the dark corners she raised her skirt and then she saw it, the dangling shiny object coated with woolen clots of blood. They had left it inside her!! It made her sick!! Nela fell down.
Her surroundings seemed confused, like a projected image hopelessly out of focus, foam oozed out of her mouth and all she could see was shadowy figures of people trying to lift her.

But she was no more. The path that intimidated her of a better future, the path that she so pursued to make things right was the path that ended her life.

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