I just turned 31. Not 21. And I am excited. 9 years shy from 40.
20 year old Corrie probably wouldn’t be as ecstatic, but as Miley says in her new song, no one stays the same,change is a thing you can count on.
I have been asked why I comfortably share my age yet it’s just a number. But I hope this post will have an answer to that. If it doesn’t, oh well… I guess we wait for 32.
When I turned 30, I knew that third floor would be a step of surrender. I wasn’t sure how or when this was going to happen.
But a grudging push to let go was hoovering all over my space. I found myself lacking interest in some things like idle talk. The fidgeting feeling to be in a bar every weekend or always having a hangout plan was no longer something I fancied.
I became more bold to say No. To bargain and leverage for opportunities. To question where I felt I needed to. To ask for assistance even when I felt vulnerable to judgement.
Life is no longer a give and take situation for me. It has to be met with some analysis. 30 dragged the idea of strategy for almost everything in my life.
From finances. Social life. To career. Does that mean that 30 comes with a boring effect? No. At least not for me.
The idea of strategy has been liberating. I have come to love plans. Something that 20 year old me wouldn’t have fashioned as ‘with it’ because spontaneity.
Can I become spontaneous? Of course I can try to, in my strategic world, I leave room for -rules can be broken once in a while principle.
Broken Crayons Still Colour.
I was insistent on relating some current situations based on my past. A friend told me the other day, you need to forgive yourself, otherwise superstition will keep clouding.
‘Maybe this is not happening to me because I did this’
‘Karma is what has caught up with me’
And such like conversations. I think I am still in the process of forgiving myself. The thin line between guilt and knowing that indeed there is Grace. Life.
A while back, I had so much anger towards people. I just found myself boiling with bile over assumptions. But you see that nag to surrender came along with elements of confusion.
Situations confused me. Conversations confused me. Silence confused me. But I later came to realise that I was the problem. That even in the process of surrender anger had to be part of the things I needed to let go.
You can learn to love people even if they do not carry the same attributes as you do. Many are times we expect people’s characters/views to be like ours because of the mere association of friendship. Many are times we expect so much and give a lot of credit and get disappointed.
You don’t have to compromise convictions to be compassionate-Rick Warren.
In the process of knowing where everyone’s place is in your heart/life, priority takes charge by default. That’s the thing about growing up.
In my little strategic world, such priorities come to play. Probably other 30+ year olds would attest to this?
This is for those who need to believe in themselves…
My career life has been a walk of faith. Not a red carpet with flashy cameras. God knows the tears. The defeat. The rejected opportunities. The times I even questioned my ability to succeed at anything.
When the path pricks us we need to be real and push on or veer to a better one. When it gets better acknowledge the success. Even when the fear of failure or losing it all grips you. Seek to re-invent yourself.
2 years on and my 20 year old self would not have seen this coming. Consultancy.
You see, negotiating between having a consistent salary and a gamble of possible clients is not what I had pictured myself doing. But this growing up thing and taking some bold steps that could be a failed strategy is one of the packages that came with my third floor.
It would make sense for me to covet a ‘big’ title in an organisation, but I settled for this. Uncertainty.
Before deciding to be a consultant, I told or rather asked myself, I’m not growing any younger. What is my purpose? What is my niche? I could settle for anything and probably have a lot of money but will that be enough?
I took a step of faith and decided to have a niche in the kind of Public Relations I do.
With this career path, a few values stood out for me ; Integrity, efficiency, discipline, resilience and HARD WORK.
Sleeping at 3 am (most nights) and waking up at 7 am to sleep again at 3 am gives me satisfaction. My 20 year old self would read books and quotes about successful CEO’s who would sleep for say 4 hours-admire them and that was it. 31 year old me completely understands that narrative. She lives it.
Also I discovered I am more productive in those weird hours and working late helps me be more productive and meet deadlines. But people are different.
I believe I am still young and have the energy to push myself. Dreams are made of this.
And no I’m not too hard on myself, those who know me, know that in my little strategic world I have time to catch up on the latest series and read books. Hell even share a million videos/updates on Facebook. Everything just falls in its own plan.
The quote, believe in yourself, yes that ‘cliche’ quote is part of my mantra. I have learnt that without confidence you can’t be free to think out of the box or be dynamic.
Also it is okay to ask for help. I do this a lot. We are surrounded by intelligence/wisdom-no man is an island.
To see things correctly we must look at ourselves correctly.
So what next?
I long for consistent celestial vibes. More moments with God.
More of family time.
More love. Laughs. Lessons. Adventure.
I have found myself adopting a brisk social lifestyle where I keep shifting a lot around. I simply hope to learn more, be real with myself and my God.
The beauty about life is choices, I hope to at least make the right ones and accept that perfection is not what will make me happy, growth will. Mistakes will.
Cheers to a new year. 31 please be kind to me.